When your boyfriend dumps you, it can be pretty tough to figure out where to go from there. Chances are, you’re not exactly happy with not being with him…but I can tell you one thing, and that’s that sitting on the couch with a bucket of Blue Bunny won’t get him back. There are, however, things you can do to get back on your feet and even get him back!
Now, when a guy breaks up with a girl, it’s usually because he’s either angry with her and acting impulsively (in which case he’ll probably realize his mistake and getting back together will be fairly easy), or that there’s something going on with the girl that’s just not satisfying what he needs in a relationship. Ladies, I’m sure you can understand about a guy having relationship needs and expectations…they’re just a little bit different than the things girls typically require.
Guys really don’t need much, we just want a girl who’ll be a lot of fun to be with. Now, that can mean different things for different guys, but it’s a fairly reliable baseline. Mainly we like to have a relationship stay interesting without getting to be too much to handle. Guys’ emotional ties aren’t nonexistant, but we ARE built to be a little bit more “roaming” in nature…so even if we’re madly in love with a woman, most of us aren’t going to stick around if she drives us absolutely bonkers.
So the way I see it, if he left you it’s probably because of one of two things: either you let him slip away, or you drove him away. I know that’s harsh, but it’s the basic concept here. Letting him slip away means that the relationship just wasn’t exciting enough for him…this doesn’t mean that the sex was dull or that you’re a boring person, all it means is that there just wasn’t enough going on, not enough really enjoyable companionship. Maybe you guys didn’t go out enough, maybe the two of you could never agree on something fun to do together, maybe you worked too much and didn’t have time for him…there’s no telling…but I’m sure you can understand how that would make him feel.
The other possibility is that you kind of chased him out. It’s funny on TV when a woman throws a dish at a guy in a fight and it shatters on the wall beside his head, or when a girl calls him up on the phone every three minutes to demand what he’s doing, but in real life it’s an absolute nightmare. No matter how hot the woman is or how amazing she may be, a controlling girl will make a man run like his backside’s on fire. And a woman may not even realize how demanding she’s being!
So how does all this help you get your ex boyfriend back? Well, the first step to doing just that is to figure out what you did wrong in the relationship, and how you can correct it. You may not want to think about the possibility that your guy was either bored or scared of you…but why else would he leave?
Thinking about this stuff may hurt, but it’s necessary if you want to get him back and KEEP him. Remember that if you get back together with him and you’re still doing the things that made him leave the first time, he’s going to leave again…and this time you may not be able to get him back.
So take some time to think about what things you may have done to contribute to the breakup. Even if he did have some reasons other than your behavior, there was definitely SOME responsibility on your shoulders. “It’s not you, it’s me” is a lie…there’s always at least a little bit of it that’s you. So your first step is to figure out what part of it WAS you. Once you’ve done that, you can work your hardest to stop doing whatever it was.
It’s already been established that the two of you as you were failed to be relationship compatible in the long term…and he’s not going to be changing, so you’re the one who has to do the changing to make you two more compatible. Changing yourself is probably the hardest thing in the world, but if you seriously love the guy and think you two could have another shot at being truly happy, I’d expect you’re willing to at least give it a try.
So do everything you can to fix whatever problems you had that made him want to leave, and then break back into contact with him very gently. No “relationship” talk…no “feelings” talk…just “hey, how you been?” Start slowly. Build slowly. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and a relationship that’s fallen through is infinitely more complex. Take it slow, and eventually you’ll get back to the point where you’re really talking and spending time again.
Use this time to do things together that always made the two of you happy, and let him see the new, better person you’ve become. If he’s not a shallow dirtbag who dumped you for some other girl who promised him new sexual horizons, he’ll see how much you’ve tried to make things better…and you’ll have a good shot at getting him back.